Letter #10: 40 days of prayer

Dear Future Husband,

While it's been a while since I last wrote you a letter, I've been wrestling with the overwhelming possibility of never being married. I had to come to grips with it because it was and still is a possibility. At first I was devastated and fought with God a lot over this because it was not in my plan for my life. That thought was not in my game plan or even been considered. After kicking, screaming, pouting and whining I finally realized what was wrong with this picture. It was me. I never thought and I had not considered. This was all according to me. And that was what needed to be changed. I needed to give up control and the absolute need to have a husband before God could use me at all or mold me into the woman after His own Heart. So after much wrestling with God about this issue (and I'll admit that I am still struggling with it) I finally gained a peace most of the time with it.

Then a couple of weeks ago I had a gentle nudge in my heart to start praying for you. I can't explain it. I tried to explain it away thinking that I was just on my period or that my cousin who is also my best friend was getting married and I was feeling left out yet again. So for a while I did nothing about it. But the feeling kept getting stronger. And I decided that I would do it: I would pray for you for 40 days, which started yesterday.  I am also going to be praying for myself as well because I can honestly say that I need a lot of work before I can say that I am ready to be a wife.  Just to clarify that I'm not expecting to meet you during these 40 days or even anytime soon after that.  I don't envision that happening or think that 40 is some magic number that will cause you to appear because it won't.  All I want to do is pray for you and me during this time.

My prayer for you today is that you are striving to become a more godly man. I pray that you are making godly decisions and always looking to God for every one of them.  I am praying the same thing for myself as well today, that every decision I make will not only be honoring to God but also to you whoever you may be.

Forever and always faithfully yours,
Your Future Wife